Finally, I caught enough of my breath to ramble

It's been a hectic week, and my final exams are almost over.
So is my 4 years of college life in the US.

It is a really strange feeling, a bittersweet whisper of emotion
. . . .. .That foretells a storm that is
. . A storm that is coming,

And yet its scent is strong enough to illicit that
......Hurting and longing ...
...........Feeling

The feeling of familiarity
It hurts ...
.......tenderly,
It tugs ...
............gently at my heartstrings
It sneaks up on you ...
...................but with dampened footsteps,
.........Just enough to let you know its here
It lingers ...
...........but never really goes away

It is a beautiful feeling,
This dull ache in my chest
.....A tingle of a smile
...............A flutter of a heartbeat
..........A trickle of a tear,
......As fleeting as the emotions that come and go
A part of my life passed,
.....And never to be mine again

I picked up the pieces, tidied my memories
........Tucked them away
..........In a deep pocket of my heart, fearing
.............That one day even my memories will pass me by
..........This familiar feeling ... ...
A silent surrender to the mercy of time

Bad Weather

The weather today stinks ... just when I thought that the departure of the cold winter has taken the last of my miseries away, and that the lazy warmth of spring is here ... ... the weather has to take a change for the worse.

I checked my weather report, and it seems that the weather will stay like that for a while more. This sucks. This could very well be the most miserable time of the year for me. I've got pollen stuck so far up my nose that I can see the yellow particles swimming in my eyes (i swear! i saw them this morning, swimming across my vision and mocking my helplessness at not being able to just scratch at my eyeball). The pollen's the only thing that's even remotely "Spring" around here. The weather's gloomy, it keeps raining, and most of all, I am freaking cold.

I remembered being perfectly happy a week ago. And now I am a sulking and testy soul. Man! The only thing around here that can keep up with the temperamental weather is ... my mood swings. (And my almost rheumatic ankle)

Mr Hay Fever!

To Mr Hay Fever,

You are back! ... with a vengeance too.
What now am I supposed to do?
Even though you are not welcomed here at all,
You have made your presence felt and more.
You have set up camp on my sinus tracts,
Made me suffer! Cough and hacks!
Letting your wastes flood my nasal cavities,
Lay ruin to all my holiday activities.
I drip like an open faucet,
I scratch my eyes off their socket,
You have confused my natural immunity system to start attacking itself,
And now you are actually making me feel so much like killing myself!

I have tried almost everything,
Even Claritin's not really working.
Please be gone soon, will ya?
I am being driven to hysteria.

Best Regards,
Painful sufferer

About the Moments in Between

Ahh ... I just finished writing up a pretty convoluted report which I am going to submit to my professor. An image of the poor old man holding his face in painful contortion as he resists the urge to tear my paper up and set fire to it pops to my brain.

Maybe I should rewrite my essay ... but there is just not enough time left. Why don't I ... take a break.

There's 11 more minutes to my class, which is a really inappropriately tiny slot of time. It is neither long enough for me to do anything useful, and neither is it short enough for me to get up and go to class early.

Sitting here, sandwiched between the time that I finished my essay and the time that my next class starts, I began twiddling my thumbs. For some really profound reason, I began feeling out of place in this buzzing cafeteria. I started looking around at people around me, they all had this intense look on their faces, and were all working fervently away on the task that they were engaged in: a man was pushing his bread as far down his throat as it can go, I caught a fellow student ogling at the girls across the street, and a student was writing furiously away (and also cursing away) at his assignment, which was probably due in another 11 minutes .

My impatience grew. Everyone was doing something. And I became all the more aware that I had nothing to do.

The unease is unbearable! I had nothing to distract me from myself!
I was stuck in a highly productive society with minutes to spare and nothing to do!
For the few strange minutes I was a wandering soul without a purpose, one who has lost his place in the busy teeming cafeteria.

I glanced at my watch ... what? 6 more minutes!? Without the buzz from all the mad rush that I was so used to filling myself up with, I was suddenly starkly aware of the unsettling silence in my cranium. I felt strangely naked and bare, as if pieces of my clothing were slowly removed from me by the minute.

I casted a hopeless glance at my watch again ... its 1pm! Gosh! I couldn't be more glad! I quickly packed up my bag, relieved at finding a sense of purpose for myself. I almost felt like standing on the top of my chair and announcing to the world about the important thing that I am going to do right now! I am going for a class which will educate me about the even more important things in life!

Closing up my bag, I quickly snaked back into the crowd, back to the busy and meaningful fast paced life, back from that weird moment in between where I was alone with myself, alone with myself with nothing in between.

Never Meditate before going to Bed

The title says it all.
Now I am so full of mindfulness and passive awareness that the last thing my mind can do is to go to sleep. Maybe I should try doing my corporate law homework, that should help put me to sleep in no time. Or thinking about my career, for that matter.

Running after Nothing

In a one bedroom efficiency along a small road in Durham, I live with my cat.

I am facing a mini crisis as I am writing this blog now. There has been a case of a paranormal activity in my home, and my cat has been possessed by a poltergeist of some sorts. This - spirit, or whatchamightcallit seems to have a penchant for running ... (it might have been an unfulfilled runner in its past life) and in particular, running aimlessly.

At this very moment, my cat has just completed a 5 yard sprint from my kitchen to the bathroom, did a quick double take, circled me twice (laying to waste my precious diet coke), and ran for his life back to where he came from. (What was the point in that?!)

And as unexpected as his decision to start running against himself was, he suddenly stopped in the middle of his tracks, calmly sat down and began licking his paws. This is just plain crazy, and I was seized by an uncontrollable laughing fit. It would have been awesome if I can talk to my cat, or to whatchamightcallit that is possessing it.

"Look look, even after running non stop for the last half an hour, you haven't gotten anywhere at all, haven't you? Now you are still at the corner of my desk, right where you were 10 minutes ago. Where do you think you are going?"

"Hey Joey, get a life! Quit running around after nothing ... what are you getting out from it?"

Tsk tsk, such an aimless and purposeless life. I chuckled to myself, feeling positively superior to this poor creature who doesn't know where it is headed. Joey is now lying on his back, looking exuberant and very very contented. *Sigh* Look at how happy it is with himself; it is even convinced that it is having a good life. Hah hah hah.

And now now, where was I? I distinctively remembered surfing online for laptops I can never afford to buy, and for cars I can never afford, but I cannot quite remember what it was that captured my attention before the poltergeist activity started. Ahhh yes, I was looking for information I will never ever need about my love life in the astrology column. That WAS exciting!

In a one room efficiency beside a small road in Durham, two creatures (one possessed) live out fulfulling and enriching existences, and at the same time feeling really good about themselves.